It’s funny how God works. Yesterday was an excruciatingly painful day for me. I work so hard in many aspects of my life. Certain circumstances that occurred in this past week have made me feel unappreciated, disrespected, and as if I was being treated unfairly. It’s times like these that the major things in my life-my sick father, the stresses of the emotions these boys have brought into our lives, my constant desire to be the perfect mother to Anthony-come to a head and leave me feeling down. I work so hard to keep my head up…to stay positive…to be the better person.
At the end of the day, I’m human. I hurt too. There are days that I look at myself and only two words come to mind…EPIC FAIL. Should I be a better Mom to my son? Should I find a way to make more time for my parents? What could I do to be a better wife? Am I working hard enough to spread awareness to Anthony’s Army? Am I giving these two boys all that I possible can in the three short weeks that they are with me?
It’s sad, but I’m sure everyone experiences this kind of cruelty in their life. When someone who should be supportive of you feels the need to drive you to the ground, it rocks your world a little bit. When you work your ass off and don’t get an ounce of respect, it can make the happiest person feel depressed. When you have given so much of yourself and someone just expects so much more. What happens when you have nothing more to give?
I guess in many cases you retreat. You give up. You throw in the towel. But my life has given me so much strength that when I feel that way, something happens, someone comes along, the winds blow a different way. Instead of wanting to give up, I feel renewed. I find a second wind. I suddenly have the energy to do all I was doing before I felt down in the dumps and so much more.
That happened to me last night. I had a situation that dragged me pretty far down. I started to question myself. I wondered what’s the point. I was ready to just give up. A co-worker who I admire and respect told me to keep my head up. Although I responded that I always do, it seemed a little harder this time around. Then I received a message. The message was from a stranger.
“I don’t know you but have seen several of your posts through mutual friends that we have. I have been so in awe of all that you have endured with your son and how you have kept such a positive attitude and continue to be so charitable to others…I just felt compelled to write you to say thank you for being such an inspiration to others and showing us that good people still exist.” This summary of the key points of this message that changed my attitude last night is proof to me of God working in miraculous ways.
I needed that message at that exact time. It renewed my strength and drive to continue to be myself even if others want to bring me down. It gave me a second wind. Today I had more energy than I have had in a while. The boys and I had a blast at the park, went to lunch, and visited the Peabody Museum. We ended the night with a visit to my father. I’m headed up to bed with my son and husband. I’ll lay my head on the pillow tonight with a smile on my face and thoughts in my head for how I can make tomorrow an even better day.
So to the woman who sent me that message. I’m glad I’m able to inspire others. But I want to take the time to thank you for giving me what I needed at a time I wasn’t feeling so great about myself. Last night, you inspired me. And for that I’m so thankful. Goodnight all.