2017…watch me! 

2016 brought us some deep struggles. But as I always say, it is my struggles I am most grateful for. Through these, I have always become the best version of myself. In 2016, I said goodbye to a boy who had a large part of my heart. I lost a job that I was truly passionate about. I watched my father take his last breathe. I buried my best friend, the biggest part of me, my heart and soul. I began a battle that was truly driven by jealousy and deceit. 

I have truly amazed myself in the past twelve months. Through my struggles I have molded myself into a resilient and strong person. I have become someone that is completely opposite of who I was twelve months ago. I have become the truest version of myself. Through prayer, I have survived. 2016 began with me in a deep depression, struggling with the idea of even surviving this year. Literally. 

In the same breathe, 2016 has been a year of great strength. My son has inspired me to push through every struggle. Watching him fight through his battles has made me put life into perspective. In 2016, I watched my son suffer seizure after seizure while doctors told us we were wrong. In 2016, I got a call from his daycare while I was an hour away, to tell me he suffered a grand mal seizure. 

I remember how my heart pounded as I drove those fifty minutes to my son’s side. I walked into that hospital room to see Anthony laying lifeless on a bed, as doctors pulled his eyelids back to see if his eyes had gone back to normal. I watched his chest pump up and down, in the most constraining motion, as if he were gasping for air. I prayed for the moment he would wake up. And when he did, I smiled at him, only to watch him smile back with one side of his face. Paralyzed from the seizure that he had just suffered.

In 2016, I learned a hard lesson  about who my true friends and family are. While this realization made me sad for our losses, it made me oh so grateful for the gains of our true family. In 2016, I feared that I could be the Mom that my son needed me to be. I worried that he deserved more. I feared that I would screw him up because of all that screwed me up. In 2016, I wondered how I could possibly survive. As I enter 2017, the fact that I did makes my year so much more amazing.

I look forward to a year of answers. We go to Boston in January with promises of some answers to Anthony’s struggles. I look forward to seeing my son thrive rather than watching him struggle. In 2017, I’m confident that medicine will be on our side. I look forward to watching Anthony reap the benefits of physical, occupational, and speech therapy. While many of our family has no clue, our son has silently struggled with the affects of his stroke in so many aspects of his life. I’m looking forward to watching his therapy ease his work load. I’m praying for an easier life for the most amazing human being I’ve ever known. 

In 2017, I wish wealth, health, and happiness to all the amazing people I am blessed to know. To those that have hurt me, I wish the love and forgiveness that only God can bring. To find all that you are missing in life, to find what you are lacking. To my mother, I wish a new found lease on life. Although it is difficult without my Dad, I hope you find the beauty in every day that I am sure he is bringing to you. 

For my son, I wish an amazing and life changing 2017. I hope you continue to bring joy to those around you. I hope you continue to raise awareness to pediatric brain tumors. I hope you continue to raise awareness for seizure disorder. I want to continue to watch you change the world with your genuine concern for other human beings. It amazes me that at 2 years old, this is who you are. You are someone who will make this world a better place.

2016, thank you for my struggles. Through them I have become a better version of myself. Through my struggles I have come to appreciate those that truly have my back and know the values of loyalty, love, and dedication. I have learned to care about those who care about me, first and foremost. I have learned to stop worrying about those who don’t matter in my life. 2016, thanks for the lessons, and thanks for all the amazing opportunities that lie ahead as we embark on 2017. This year is mine!